&today was a good one, too!(:
But it’s like I see my bestfriends w/their lives, making memories, all happy w/their new friends. &I can’t help but feel like in a couple of months, I’ll be losing touch w/those people. The ones who are my closest friends. I feel like I’m desperate to hold on, &cling to whatever connection is left. I can’t really do anything about us growing apart though, because some things you just can’t control. I know I should be putting myself out there, having fun with my own new friends. But I’m just not that type of person. Honestly, I’m pretty good at making new friends, but not bestfriends; y’know, the people I’ll think about when I will reminisce about my high school years. I like to keep my friends close to me & have the time of my life w/them. Sure, if a new friend comes along, they’re very welcome to our group. Always. But you know what? It hurts like hell to let one go. &after that, when you try to form new friendships, it’s awkward & uncomfortable, because you’re so forever changed by the friends you’ve come across, &it simply doesn’t feel the same with other people. You just can’t click w/them, not the way you did w/that old friend who you dwindled your days away with. No matter how much you lie to yourself, you know that you’ll never get that feeling back. Then you just end up reminiscing the old days. But it doesn’t change anything, so you just cry, because the flashbacks hurt. This seems to be the pattern these days for me. It’s like I’ll never get used to it, though. I’ll never forget them, because of who they were to me. I hate everything about it. About the awkward phase, &the way they ignore me. I just sit & stare sadly off into space, seeing in my mind how I wish things could be. How things ought to be. The worst part is, I’m going to be forgotten in the end, like a faint footprint on a country road after the dust has settled.
